1. You start drinking hot water even when cold is available
2. When asked a question, you respond in inaudible grunts
3. After all phone conversations you end with a cheerful, “Bai Bai”
4. (Men) As the weather gets warmer you think its appropriate to lift your shirt over your stomach exposing the rice stomach you developed over the winter
5. You text while squatting
6. You text while biking
7. You text while texting
8. Breakfast consists of a hot bowl of noodles, huntun soup, fantuan, jianbing or a couple baozi
9. Looking to pre-game but you’re low on cash? A 15 kuai bottle of baijiu sounds fantastic
10. When a laowai enters your home wearing shoes, you shove slippers in their chest
11. Screw waiting 5 seconds, when those subway doors open you tuck your head down and prepare for battle
12. You point and laugh at your friends when they have pimples
13. You start arguing to family and friends that the restriction of civil liberties is essential to prevent social unrest, ultimately maintaining the economic machine that has lifted tens of millions of people out of poverty. After justifying totalitarian rule, you launch into a rant attacking Western media’s constant misconstrued reports concerning Chinese society and government
14. You feel a touch of pride every time China announces its latest GDP figures
15. You own a couple of Burberry print face masks to wear on days when the sky turns a tasty shade of brown
16. Using a fork is now a barbaric option
17. You betray your home country (sorry non-Americans) and start using MSN
18. You think a ping pong table is actually for playing ping pong
19. You have a business card even though you’re not working
20. You call chunjie, or Chinese New Year, the “holiday season”
21. Obviously green tea is going into that glass of scotch
22. Female armpit hair is no longer a deal breaker
23. You think saying “oh my lady gaga” is an appropriate substitute for “oh my god”
24. You know what cell phone all your friends and coworkers use and judge them accordingly
25. The world is your ashtray
26. You refer to other foreigners as foreigners
27. You get uncomfortable when you are around too many foreigners
28. You find 大山 entertaining and stop thinking he is a huge douche-bag
29. You have friends who mine gold in World of Warcraft (and they hook you up with gear)
30. You think a company that has 80% government ownership but listed on the stock market is “publicly owned”
31. You think drying clothes outside is clean because the sun’s power to kill bacteria overrides the filth that is Shanghai air pollution
32. You start biking everywhere because a 12 kuai cab is too expensive
33. You replace your table salt shaker with a toothpick holder
34. You have no qualms asking someone how much they pay for their rent/get paid for their salary
35. When a bus/subway seat opens up, you don’t feel bad taking it even though you knew someone else waited longer
36. You think a couple is rich if they have more than one-child, a stroller, or the child wears diapers
37. You care more about people picking up after their dogs than their children
38. You’ve gone through 5 decks of business cards in 6 months of working
39. You’ve done KTV in the middle of the day
40. You go to Starbucks to order desserts instead of coffee
41. You eat and enjoy the Breadtalk/85degrees bread with the hotdog or meat floss on top
42. You say “好球” at least 40 times when watching a sporting event (regardless of what sport)
43. You’ve mastered the “Chinese pen flip”
44. You keep your TV remote controls in plastic wrapping
45. You believe traffic lights are simply a suggestion
46. You rationalize foot massages as a medical expense
47. Bad tones cause you to feel actual pain in your ears
48. Before buying anything you open it up at the store and fully inspect it for flaws
49. You NEVER leave the house without a package of tissues with you
50. You think the CCTV Pearl Tower looks great and is a well-designed piece of architecture
51. If your back hurts you head to the local medicine store and ask for the crushed scorpion
52. You think buying breakfast, lunch or dinner at a convenience store is ok
53. You have heated discussions during an event that others are trying to pay attention to or enjoy
54. You think the odd, multicolored, workout machines in the park are actually great for your warm-up routine
55. You think the quickest way to get to know someone is asking their zodiac sign
56. You find yourself loitering around after accidents hoping something interesting happens
57. You prefer your housemaid to be from anywhere but Anhui
58. You put sprite/coke in your red wine
59. You bake in your wok
60. You linger in the gym locker room towel-less
61. Umbrella’s are for use on rainy and sunny days
62. You’ve taken photoshopped photos with your significant other on Hengshan Lu
This list is in NO way limited to what we have written here. If you have any good ones, comment them and we’ll throw em up.
Related posts:
5. You text while squatting in the toilets smoking a cigarette and reading the papers
– Woods
I love smoking in public bathrooms while taking dumps.
LOL…Spot one…very detailed observations….most of the points apply to other Asian cultures as well
You smoke while taking water breaks during a basketball game…true story by the way, ask AK47.
I don’t get how they do it. I am on the bench dying and they are chillin smoking a couple cigarettes..
LOL…..LOL ROFLOL
i think my housemates are starting to feel concerned about my maniacal laughter and gasps for breath….
28. You find 大山 entertaining and stop thinking he is a huge douche-bag
Guess I haven’t been here long enough then…
OMG – this is so hillarious
you smoke while ride your bike/bicycle
You can answer 2 stupid people’s rude questions while trying to have a respectable conversation on the phone.
Amazing list! The fucking truth!!
you pair your dark suit with white socks.
Being able to turn anything into an argument even when they agree with you.
63. You feel comfortable hacking loogies in public, and blowing your nose in to your hand.
You no longer refrigerate eggs or soft drinks.
You have a basket on the front of your bike, and you use it.
You ask ‘a chinese’ on the subway who’s wearing the same hat/purse/whatever as you, “How much did you pay?” and think “YES!” because you paid less.
Not ashamed to pull your pants all the way past your belly button at the same time pants high water above your ankles wearing mixed matched socks.
You drink warm beer with ice cubes in it.
you contribute to stupid posts like this.