It’s a Me, Z-San
First off, I apologize for my inability to do a “moment” last week. Things got a little hectic in camp Z-San/Baby Francesca and we didn’t have time to put one together. Things were equally busy this week (I’ll explain why in a second), but I made writing this moment a priority. As just alluded to, it was a big week for me. I even cleared my social calendar as I knew I wouldn’t have time for friends or family. For those not in the know, Mario Galaxy 2 dropped this week. Pretty much the end-all of the platform genre, the new Wii game scored a perfect 10/10 on IGN. Anyway, as soon as it released, AK47 and I wandered over to the video game store in our new neighborhood. Upon arrival, we observed the store clerk was actively engaged in his own gaming, some sort of first person shooter. In fact, he was so engrossed in his own gaming, he was unable to answer any of my questions and seemed hassled in general by my presence in his store. “Will this work on my Wii? I haven’t updated it in over a year,” I asked. Response: click, click, strafe, shoot, shoot “有可能 (maybe)”. “OK, I want to buy this… can I pay,” I asked again. Response: Click, strafe, back strafe, jump, rocket launcher suicide, fist slams into keyboard, “好的 (sure)”. I finally understood how my mom felt all those years when I pretended to listen to her when I was really leveling up my Firbolg. Oh well… I slapped my 5 kuai onto his counter and took my bounty. Finally, let me reaffirm IGN’s rating of the game… it’s unbelievable.
-Z-San
Snobby Laowai
“WTF this internet is SOOO slow!!” “The subway?? Are you shitting me? TAXI!” “WTF 15 kuai for a huge bottle of beer, screw that!!” “Ugh migrant workers, don’t touch the handrails.” “WTF my custom made suit has a string hanging from the cuff!!” “What Jing’An?? Why would I ever travel north of Yan’an Lu?” “No Japanese Toilets?? Oh HELL NO!!” “W(where)TF is the Starbucks, jesus christ how do people function??” “Goddamn it, we got a red taxi, lets wait for a green one.” “WTF 3 kuai for a banana, tai gui le!!” ”Yuck Chinese food, I ONLY eat Western food!” “WTF this fake DVD I bought for 8 kuai is such SHIT!!” “OMG did you hear his Chinese?? sooo embarrassing…” “Great Wall is so disgusting, I’d rather drink Manischewitz” “I can’t stand my ayi, (insert any ridiculous reason here)!” “That one hour 80 kuai full body massage was only so-so, what did you think?”
Just a couple I hear throughout the week… often from myself.
-AK47
Fauna of China
It’s amazing how humans affect an ecosystem. If it were not for humans, many once abundant animals, such as the Raccoon Dog, the South China tiger, dragons, Chinese Giant Flying Squirrels, etc., might still thrive in China. In today’s world, if I could be any animal in China, I would be a house pet, specifically a dog. I’m not talking about a dime-a-dozen, inbred Pekingese. I’m talking about a show dog with papers. Besides being a status symbol that is flaunted on nightly walks through the park, they are highly prized and typically well taken care of, and so will not be neglected, right? Considering the poor conditions of many animals in China, living as a human’s prized possession sounds pretty good compared to the many endangered species that are either poached for their market value or are strangled by pollution and urbanization. Otherwise, I would be a Himalayan Wolf.
-Gigglecat
MKFD observations:
-One rainy morning, a homeless (and likely mentally ill) guy was taking refuge from rain in the subway. He was just standing around. Cops saw him, escorted him out. Sorry buddy, you ain’t a Person in the People’s Republic.
-Sometimes funny things come down the pipe at work. For example, when a local employee writes an invitation for an event at the Taiwanese expo pavilion, highlighting and promoting the “happy relationship between China and mainland China”.
-MKFD becomes perplexed when he can publicly lambast the US Secretary of State and get a grand total of 4 relatively supportive comments, whilst Z-San was showered with insults for writing about delicious fruit.
-In relation to the above post, word on the street that Z-San will repent and divert all remaining creative juices towards safer practices, like drawing Muhammad.
-MFD
Important Expo information
My parents are in town this week and with that, of course, comes a visit (or three) to the Expo. Wednesday was our first day. I made every effort to make our visit as short and painless as possible. An evening visit, shortest subway ride, shortest walk from subway, pay for tickets ahead, make appts at pavilions all in the same zone – in and out, basically. First stop – and what I wish had been our last stop – Chile. TOTALLY WORTH IT. The pavilion itself is actually quite well done, but more noteworthy is the cheap awesome Chilean wine at the end! There’s even a side-door that gives you direct access to wine, so you don’t have to wait with the people who just want their Expo Passport stamped. Chile needs a slogan. Something like: “Fuck the line, go for wine.” I’m gonna send them an email. This really gets me thinking about future Expo visits and how they will be much more exciting if each pavilion was followed by the national alcoholic beverage. Will do some extensive investigative research and report back.
-Ween
Yip Man 2
My moment of the week was seeing Yip Man 2 with Z-San and Gigglecat. The movie’s about Yip Man (叶问 Ye Wen in Putonghua), Bruce Lee’s kung fu master. From Yip Man, a young Bruce Lee learned Wing Chun, a southern style perfect for close-range combat. Donnie Yen’s portrayl of Yip, from his one-inch punch and sticky hands technique to the way he sits with his legs crossed while smoking opium and/or cigarettes, was masterful. However, it was Sammo Hung’s character Master Hung of the Hung system of kung fu that spoke to me most. His tiger claws and crane technique brought me back to a special time when I was a hardcore student of kung fu. Now I just get drunk and tiger claw friends when they don’t expect it.
-Mike
Related posts:
MKFD can attest to the terrible pain caused my Mike’s tiger claw flip-outs.
unbelievable grip.
that shit is ridiculous. I often get urges to body slam his tiny ass after receiving one of those deadly attacks.
AK,
good job bringing the great wall and manischewitz together. that’s definitely the drink for the occasion (or maybe some slivovits too).
i’m also a fan of a nice brisket in Yuyuan. and some nice challah on tomb-sweeping day.
Are there any plans for a “Being 犹太人 in China”?
haha I’ve been thinking about that. A couple of ideas are floating around my head so maybe, just maybe…
Dudes. Check it out. Crazytown. SHanghai 1990 vs 2010.