Forgive me Father Mao, for I have sinned. That’s right, I’ve had moments of weakness and I’m here to confess to all of them (that I can think of in this time frame).
Since moving to China, I have…
Started a blog about my life in or musings on China
Used my Chinese coworker to buy something for me on Taobao
Subtly (or overtly) tried to ‘teach the Chinese a lesson’ when they tried to cut in line
Bypassed security in the Metro by pretending I don’t speak Chinese
Bypassed the intersection crossing guards and their whistles by pretending I don’t speak Chinese
Gone whole days without speaking to anyone in my office, but left the office feeling like I was talking all day, even though it was all over Gchat
Taken a picture of a crowd of Chinese people to show my friends back at home what 1.3 billion people feels like
Gone to a tourist attraction and taken more pictures of the provincial Chinese tour groups than of the tourist attraction
Acquired or attempted to acquire the hat of a Chinese tourist
Gotten a boost in confidence when someone complimented me on my Chinese skills after only saying ‘Nihao’
Used words in Chinese I thought were common but turns out nobody actually says them outside of my Chinese textbook
Considered stealing someone else’s bike after having my own stolen
Once pretended to be a street hawker and walked around saying “Watch, bag, dvd?”
Bought a watch, bag, or DVD from a street hawker
Put soy sauce on my rice, cause that’s what Anglos do
Complained about Anglos putting soy sauce on their rice, cause that’s also what Anglos do
Gone periods of time where the Chinese government had no idea I was working in China
Had extremely personal conversations in very public settings, because I can
Traveled more than 24 hours, taking planes, trains, and buses, to get somewhere tropic rather than go somewhere in China in less than two hours and for much cheaper
Spoken more Chinese while drunk than sober
Been to Velvet lounge at 2am just for the pizza
Consumed multiple roadies (aka road beers) on the way to M1NT as a money saving strategy
Joined a team sport in attempts to pick up chicks/dudes
Never been to Pudong, except to go to the airport
Waited it out for an Expo taxi
Tried to break into the Ambassy pool only to be kicked out by a gang of pregnant taitai’s
Had a 9-5 office job, but always have English teaching as a lucrative back-up plan to stay in China
Do you have a confession to make? Don’t be afraid to share. We’re all sinners here.
Related posts:
Tried to speak chinese when other foreigners were around. (Sure you did this too !)
– Woods
Consumed Kirin Sparkling Grapefruit 5% alcohol beverages at work. (What? Its practically soda …)
Talked shit about chinese people in front of the chinese knowing they don’t have a clue what you are saying.
Stare back at a deep staring chinese.
Used a squatter toilet only for puking, and reserved the western toilet for shitting.
Had sex with a couple of street walkers without pay because, well I was that good.
Got drunk in the middle of the night with no bathroom in site began walking backwards whipped out the wangle dangle and relieved myself while no one is looking.
Took pictures of all the Gov. Chinglish sign posted on Gov. building to show friends on face book.
When shopping for cheap shit, always has a mind set that the shit was made by a 6 year in some far far away factory in BFE China for less than an RMB to try not to spend too much.
: )
never worry too much about money
do what we are passionate about we are going to have moeny pretty soon!!!
we can make it in shanghai
trouble is a friend : )
Love u all
guoyu
Sneaked out to lunch before coworkers so as not to have to make up an excuse not to eat with them.
Blown 30 kuai at Starbucks just to eat a sandwich and enjoy the solace of a western environment.
Pretended I didn’t speak English and made up some mythical homeland no one knew.