Uighurs: The Shocking Truth Revealed!

What’s the truth behind Uighurs? That’s what I want to find out. Those poor bastards, ya gotta feel sorry for them. Not only do they take it from the Chinese government and the Han, they are also being grouped with nuclear proliferation, terrorism, ousted Arabic dictators, and the Axis of Evil. See below.

What’s going on here? Should Uighurs be put in the same category as “Nuclear Weapons” and “Terrorism”? Has the NY Times been bought out by the CCP or some rich Han Chinese? Not only are they stealing our domestic investment opportunities but the Chinese are now controlling our media!! God save us all.

But in all honesty, Uighurs are pretty chill people, and I know this from my abundant experience I’ve had speaking with them. I know many Uighurs and have had plenty of conversation with them, so before you guys start talking trash about how ignorant and racist I am, I’d like to preemptively discredit those claims before the comments roll in. I have told probably, a conservative estimate, 80-100 Uighurs something like, “No, I do not want to buy hashish or marijuana from you. Ehhhh on second thought, give me a 20 kuai bag. I got a date tonight so I need to prepare for boring conversation.” Or “I’ll take the dan chao fan to go please.” Also, when my bike was stolen and a witness blamed it on the local Uighur, I remained skeptical of their baseless assumption for about 20-30 minutes.

When discussing this topic with our very own MFD on why Uighurs have such a bad rep, he informed me, “Ya Uighurs have the nukes and are rapin errrrbody.” That may explain it. Well if they support institutionalized rape and are capable of developing and deploying nuclear weapons, then they are worthy of all the attention they get from Western media and the Chinese government. Be careful people, be sure to bring iodine next time you eat at your local lanzhou lamian joint. I heard radiation poisoning sucks, you think its just MSG spicing up that soup? I don’t think so…

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